


To Tell the Truth

by ChrisCalledMeSweetie



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Unexpected Love Confession, game show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:41:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26974603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisCalledMeSweetie/pseuds/ChrisCalledMeSweetie
Summary: Sherlock, John, and Greg are appearing on the American game show To Tell the Truth. You are invited to play along with a panel of celebrities as they try to figure out which one of them is the world’s only consulting detective. And stay tuned for a surprising twist that will shock even Sherlock Holmes…
Relationships: Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 183
Kudos: 151
Collections: Sherlock Author Showcase 2020





	1. The World's Only Consulting Detective

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fellshish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fellshish/gifts).



ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Welcome to _To Tell the Truth_. I’m your host, Anthony Anderson. On tonight’s celebrity panel we have Ellen Degeneres, Jonathan Van Ness, Jane Lynch, and RuPaul. And there’s one other person we’ve got to meet — my awesome mother — Mama Doris.

See if you can match wits with these stars, and figure out who’s lying and who’s been sworn to tell the truth.

Let’s meet our guests now.

_*The curtain rises.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:   
Gentlemen, please introduce yourselves.

NUMBER 1:  
I am the world’s only consulting detective.

NUMBER 2:  
I am the world’s only consulting detective.

NUMBER 3:  
I am the world’s only consulting detective.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Here is this person’s story in his own words: _I am the world’s only consulting detective. I invented the job. When the London police are out of their depth, which is often, they come to me for help. I’ve caught serial killers, prevented scandal from rocking the royal family, and stopped a plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament, all using my powers of observation and deduction. Now you see me before you, but do you observe? Can you deduce who I am?_

One of these men is the real consulting detective, and is the only one who has been sworn to tell the truth.

Gentlemen, please take a seat and let’s get the game started.

_*All three sit behind a long, low table numbered 1, 2, 3.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
It’s time for the questions.

MAMA DORIS:  
I got one.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Go ahead, Mama.

MAMA DORIS:  
If you solved all these big cases, how come we’ve never heard of you?

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Number 1, you answer first, then Number 2, then Number 3.

NUMBER 1:  
The majority of my cases have been in the UK. 

NUMBER 2:  
Americans are woefully ignorant when it comes to world affairs.

NUMBER 3:  
_*glancing sideways at Number 2*_  
I doubt you could even name our Prime Minister.

MAMA DORIS:  
You got that right. So what are you doing in L.A.?

NUMBER 1:  
I’ve been called in to consult on a case.

NUMBER 2:  
I’ve been called in to consult on a case.

NUMBER 3:  
I’m on holiday.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Alright, let’s give our celebrities a chance to ask some questions. Ellen, you go first.

ELLEN DEGENERES:  
What was your most memorable case, and why?

NUMBER 1:  
I remember every single case I’ve ever solved. I keep them in my Mind Palace.

NUMBER 2:  
My most memorable case involved one of several serial killers I’ve caught. I can’t go into the details, but it changed my life.

NUMBER 3:  
I’d have to say my most memorable case was the first time I worked with Scotland Yard. It wasn’t a big case — just a robbery — but it was the one that paved the way for my work as a consulting detective.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Okay, Jonathan, what would you like to ask?

JONATHAN VAN NESS:  
What kind of social media presence do you have?

NUMBER 1:  
I have a blogger who writes up all of my cases.

NUMBER 2:  
My website is thescienceofdeduction.co.uk. Look it up — you might learn something.

NUMBER 3:  
My flatmate keeps a blog to tell the world how brilliant I am.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Jane, it’s your turn.

JANE LYNCH:  
Do you have to use improv skills in your work? And if so, can you give an example?

NUMBER 1:  
I improvise all the time. I once punched my flatmate in the face to provoke him to punch me in the face, just so I could garner sympathy when I showed up at a suspect’s door.

NUMBER 2:   
I wouldn’t call what I do improv, although it might appear that way to an untrained observer. Improvisation implies a lack of planning. I, on the other hand, go into every situation with dozens of possible plans ready to be whipped out as needed.

NUMBER 3:   
I’m using improv skills right now, pretending to be much less obnoxious than I really am.

RUPAUL:  
I’d like to see your powers of observation at work. What can you deduce about me? And don’t _*bleep*_ it up.

NUMBER 1:  
You think we’re all frauds, but I really am a genius.

NUMBER 2:  
The producers asked you to appear in drag, but you knew these lights wouldn’t flatter you. The suit you’re wearing is the fourth one you put on today. You’d planned to try on three others, but your husband convinced you this was the one. He’s waiting in your dressing room to peel you out of it the moment this show is over.

NUMBER 3:  
You’ve spent this entire show trying to figure out how you can work a version of _To Tell the Truth_ into the next season of _Drag Race_.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Okay, time’s up. Let’s see who the panel thinks is telling the truth. 

While our celebrities write down their answers, audience, who do you think it is — 1, 2, or 3?

_*Audience members shout out various answers, holding up 1, 2, or 3 fingers.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
What do you think, Mama?

MAMA DORIS:  
I think it’s Number 3. He looks the part. 

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Alright, our celebrity panel has locked in their answers. 

Ellen, who do you think is telling the truth, and why?

ELLEN DEGENERES:  
I went with Number 1. There’s something very trustworthy about him.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Alright. Jonathan, who did you pick and why?

JONATHAN VAN NESS:  
I wasn’t sure, so I chose Number 2, because he has the most fabulous hair.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Jane?

JANE LYNCH:  
Number 1 trotted out some hardcore improv, so he’s got my vote.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
And who did you pick, RuPaul?

RUPAUL:  
Number 2 impressed me with his deductions. Unless he ran into my husband backstage, he’s the real deal.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Okay, it’s time for the moment of truth. 

Will the real consulting detective please stand up — when we come back from this break.

_*Audience groans.*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think is the world's only consulting detective - Number 1, Number 2, or Number 3? 
> 
> You'll earn 100 points if you can deduce which of our guests was telling the truth. Plus, you'll get a 100 point bonus if you can name the guests in the other two spots.
> 
> To Tell the Truth will return after a brief message from our sponsor - [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/donate).


	2. Before You Go

ANTHONY ANDERSON:   
Welcome back to _To Tell the Truth_. 

Now, before the break our panel decided who they thought was the real consulting detective. 

It’s the moment of truth.

Will the real consulting detective please stand up.

_*Number 1 begins to stand, then sits back down.*_

_*Number 3 begins to stand, then sits back down.*_

_*Number 2 stands up.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Alright, Number 2, please introduce yourself.

NUMBER 2:  
My name is Sherlock Holmes, and I am the world’s only consulting detective.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Let’s give it up for the world’s only consulting detective.

_*Audience applauds.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Thank you, Sherlock, for joining us today. Now we’ll let you head backstage to find out whether your deduction about RuPaul’s husband was correct.

_*Audience laughs.*_

_*Sherlock walks offstage.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Now, as you can see, we still have two people with us. And although neither of them is the world’s only consulting detective, one of them has been secretly in love with Sherlock Holmes for years. It’s time to play _Before You Go_.

I’m going to read this person’s statement in his own words: _Sherlock Holmes claims to be the world’s most observant man, but there is one thing he has consistently failed to observe. I have been secretly in love with him for years. Through all the cases we’ve worked on together, there’s one case he's never solved. Yes, it’s true — it’s not just a whim — I’ve got a bad case of loving him._

I’m going to turn things over to our celebrity panel for questions.

ELLEN DEGENERES:  
Your statement mentioned working on cases with Sherlock Holmes. If he’s the world’s only consulting detective, what do you do on these cases?

NUMBER 1:  
I’d like to think my skills as an army doctor come in handy on occasion, but he’d probably say my main role is to inspire his brilliance.

NUMBER 3:  
I mostly follow him around like a lovesick puppy.

JONATHAN VAN NESS:  
I’m trying to picture two gay men spending so much time together, with one of them supposedly being this genius detective who somehow doesn’t pick up on the fact that the other one is in love with him. How is that possible?

NUMBER 1:  
Well, first of all, I’m not actually gay.

NUMBER 3:  
Neither am I. 

JONATHAN VAN NESS:  
Okay. So, then, how do you identify?

NUMBER 1:  
I’m bisexual, but most of my relationships have been with women.

NUMBER 3:  
I’ve never felt the need to label myself. I was married to a woman for awhile. Now I’m in love with a man. For me it’s all about the right person.

JANE LYNCH:  
And what makes you think the most observant man in the world hasn’t figured this out?

NUMBER 1:  
If he knew, it would be obvious, because if he felt the same way I do, we’d be together, and if he didn’t, things would be awkward between us.  
  
NUMBER 3:  
Sherlock is observant about everything except his own feelings and how other people feel about him.

MAMA DORIS:  
Maybe he knows, but he hasn’t said anything because he’s just not that into you.

NUMBER 1:  
Ouch. That’s my biggest fear, and it’s the reason why I never plan on telling him.

NUMBER 3:   
Unlikely. He’s incapable of keeping the things he knows to himself. The man has no brain-to-mouth filter. 

RUPAUL:  
You must realize that Sherlock is probably backstage sitting next to my husband right now, watching this live on the monitor. How do you think he’s going to react?

NUMBER 1:  
_*looking panicked*_  
No, I did not know that! The producers never mentioned that to me! Sherlock’s not one for watching crap telly — no offense — so I didn’t think he’d ever see this. He’s probably gone all blinky and frozen, like a computer whose hard drive has crashed. Oh my god, what have I done?!

NUMBER 3:  
_*looking amused*_  
He’s probably going to come out here and punch me in the face.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Well, that’s all the time we have for questions. 

Celebrities, it’s time for you to write down the number of the person who you think is telling the truth. 

Audience, who do you think it is — Number 1 or Number 3?

_*Audience members shout out their answers, holding up 1 or 3 fingers.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Mama, what do you think?

MAMA DORIS:  
I hope nobody’s stupid enough to say something on TV and think it’s still gonna be a secret, so I pick Number 3.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:   
Okay, let’s hear from our panel.

ELLEN DEGENERES:  
Number 1 fooled me the first time around, so I don’t trust him anymore. I think he’s just a really good actor. That’s why I’m going with Number 3.

JONATHAN VAN NESS:  
My strategy worked out well for me last time, so I’m using it again. I voted for Number 3, because that foxy silver hair is simply scrumptious.

JANE LYNCH:  
Either Number 1 is better at improv than I am, or he really is freaking out over Sherlock seeing this. I’m pretty sure it’s Number 1.

RUPAUL:  
It’s definitely Number 1. I can see it in his eyes.

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Alright. It’s time for the moment of truth.

Will the person who’s secretly in love with Sherlock Holmes please stand up — after the break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations — and 100 points — to everyone who knew Sherlock was Number 2. For those of you who had different ideas, congratulations on coming up with logical reasons for your alternative answers. That’s the fun of this game — you can never be 100% sure who is telling the truth, and who is just a really good impersonator.
> 
> Now, before you go: 100 points if you can correctly identify Number 1 and Number 3. 100 more points if you know which one of them has been secretly in love with Sherlock for years. And a 500 point bonus to anyone who can come up with a plausible scenario in which the obvious choices are not correct.
> 
> To Tell the Truth will resume after this message from our sponsor — [Spooky Johnlock Stories](https://archiveofourown.org/series/560890). 
> 
> Are you in need of a seasonal fic fix? Try [Spooky Johnlock Stories](https://archiveofourown.org/series/560890). With tales ranging from humor to horror, from fluff to smut, and everything in between, you’re sure to find something to tickle your fancy — or raise the hair on the nape of your neck. [Spooky Johnlock Stories](https://archiveofourown.org/series/560890): When you care enough to read the very best.


	3. The Moment of Truth

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Welcome back to _To Tell the Truth_. 

Before the break, our panel of celebrities locked in their guesses about which of our remaining guests has been secretly in love with Sherlock Holmes for years.

It’s the moment of truth. 

Will the man who’s secretly in love with Sherlock Holmes please stand up.

_*Number 1 begins to stand, then sits back down.*_

_*Number 3 begins to stand, then sits back down.*_

_*Number 1 stands up.*_

_*Audience cheers.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Okay. First, let’s meet our two-time impostor.

NUMBER 3:  
I’m Greg Lestrade. I’m not the world’s only consulting detective, but I _am_ a Detective Inspector for Scotland Yard. And I’ve never been in love with Sherlock, but I _am_ married to a Holmes. Sherlock’s brother Mycroft and I are newlyweds.

AUDIENCE:  
_Awwww…_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Thank you for being on the show, Greg. We’ll let you go join your husband backstage now.

_*Greg walks offstage.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:   
And now, let’s meet the man who has been secretly in love with Sherlock Holmes for years.

NUMBER 1:  
I’m John Watson, Sherlock’s flatmate, crime-solving partner, and blogger. And yes, I have been secretly in love with him for years.

_*Audience applauds.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:   
What do you think, should we bring Sherlock Holmes back out?

_*Audience cheers.*_

JOHN WATSON:  
I don’t think that’s a good idea. I can’t believe I’ve been such an idiot! Mama Doris is right — I must be stupid.

RUPAUL:  
Honey, if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen in here?

AUDIENCE:  
Amen!

JOHN WATSON:  
Oh, I can definitely love Sherlock. I just don’t know if he’s capable of loving me.

MAMA DORIS:  
Baby, you stupid, but maybe that man loves stupid.

_*Audience laughs.*_

ELLEN DEGENERES:  
Don’t feel bad. Love makes us all do stupid things.

JONATHAN VAN NESS:  
All you can do is speak your truth. Whether he loves you back or not, you’re gonna be okay.

JANE LYNCH:  
And either way, it’s gonna make for great television.

_*Audience laughs.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:   
What do you think, audience? Sherlock is waiting backstage. Should we bring him out?

AUDIENCE:  
_*chanting*_  
Bring him out! Bring him out! Bring him out!

_*John groans.*_

ANTHONY ANDERSON:  
Sherlock, come on out here.

_*Sherlock walks back onstage.*_

_*Audience cheers.*_

JOHN WATSON:  
Sherlock, I—

_*Sherlock cuts John off by grabbing him and kissing him.*_

_*Audience cheers.*_

_*Celebrities whoop and whistle.*_

_*Sherlock and John don’t notice — they’re too busy snogging.*_

_*Credits roll.*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s a wrap, folks. 
> 
> Because you watched To Tell the Truth, you might also enjoy [The Mole](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8284384): Ten strangers — Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Martha Hudson, Molly Hooper, Jim Moriarty, Greg Lestrade, Sally Donovan, Philip Anderson, Mary Morstan, and Irene Adler — must work as a team to win money on a reality TV show hosted by Mycroft Holmes. The twist? One of them is a mole, hired by the producers to sabotage the game. Can you deduce the identity of The Mole?
> 
> Or, if you’re tired of watching telly but still in the mood to solve some puzzles, you might want to read one of these interactive stories:
> 
> [Z is for Animals](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12222579): A case leads Sherlock and John to spend a day at the London Zoo — with surprising results. Match your wits with Sherlock and John as they follow a series of clues to different animal exhibits.
> 
> [The Case of the Clever Conundrum](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17629559): It takes a well-crafted riddle to push Sherlock and John past "Will they or won't they?" to "Oh God, yes!" Can you solve Sherlock’s riddle before John does?
> 
> [Divinest Sense](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6627280): John has been sectioned — deemed to be a danger to himself and others — and is facing six months in an experimental psychiatric treatment facility. After his recent drug overdose, Sherlock is being shipped off by his brother to live amongst the mad, as though this will somehow improve his mental health. What will happen when these two damaged men meet under the least auspicious of circumstances? Hint: You can expect some humorous misunderstandings, burgeoning attraction, coded clues that the reader is invited to try to decipher, eventual explicit sex, and altogether more fluff than one might imagine, given the rather dark premise of this story.
> 
> Thank you so much for all of your kudos and comments. You’ve made posting this fic a true delight for me. 😊


End file.
